Don't make out with my wife yet
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just had sex bonerless
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
