bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
