Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
