You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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