obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
