Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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