Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
