shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
