I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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