I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
