I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
