we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
