I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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