I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
