Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
