WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
