thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
