Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
