Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
