Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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