so that wasnt chicken after all
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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