life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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