I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
