Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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