Kiss
Puke
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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