Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
