Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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