:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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