Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
