my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
