You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
