My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
