I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize