did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
