Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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