She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
