is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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