you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize