Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
