If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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