I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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