dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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