i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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