oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
