I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
