It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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