Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
