if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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