Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
