i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
