yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
