Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
