Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
These tits shall not be calmed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
