i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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