I showed him my bush... on skype.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
