I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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