I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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