Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
