Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
