It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
