I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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