I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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