I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
