Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
