Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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