I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize