it wasn't lemon gatorade
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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