My hair reeks of homosexuality.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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