So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
