Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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