So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
