i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
