Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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