party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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