butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sponge bath it is.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize