i barfeds in our rink
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
