don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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