my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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