I never want to see another naked old woman again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
