3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
