I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
