3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
