So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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