1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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