Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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