best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
