As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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