fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
