White coat. Heels.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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