i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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