Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
