hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
