she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
