Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
