So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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