she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
