I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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