She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
