I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Me too!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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