hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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