It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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