saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
