Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize