thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
