My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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