Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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